I hope if you are ever in the position I was in, you do NOT make this huge mistake. It cost me a very profitable and fulfilling business!
A long time ago in a land just a few blocks away, I was pursuing a degree in psychology while thinking up ways to make money to get myself through the expense of school and also having enough money to go out to eat and do the things I wanted.
After long searches online I stopped and decided to think of something that would make me very happy to do and that I was interested in. I had a stack of relationship books. While I wasn’t married at the time, as I was pretty young, I felt I knew enough about the subject to give advice on it. But I was still in school, no degree yet, no credentials after my name…nothing. My dream was to write self-help books for relationships and business. I wanted to get an honorary PhD like the guy who wrote Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. I was fascinated that he learned on his own. School wasn’t teaching me what I wanted and NEEDED to learn. Not everything can be taught in a classroom. Some things you just have to get out there and research for yourself. Which I did!
I started from the premise of helping successful young men find happy relationships. So I started to offer my services. It was a mock date and at the end I would give my advice and tips for them to see where they can improve. During these sessions and my own dating adventures, I learned a lot about relationships, men, and people in general. Most of us have little self awareness and sometimes someone looking from the outside is all it takes to make big changes. I’m a very shy person, but since I was in my element, I flourished in this scenario.
I called myself a “relationship consultant” because that was legal and that’s just what I was. I did phone consultations, in person, and helped a lot of people. I was writing what I learned and ideas to help others through it all. I was pretty happy with it, there was just one problem…how do I explain what I do to others?
The few people I told gave me instant backlash.
“You’re scamming people!”
“You’re not a qualified therapist!”
“You’re a fraud!”
Or they insulted the very people I was helping.
“Wow a sucker is born every minute.”
“What kind of loser would take advice from someone off the Internet?”
I felt horrible, defeated. I was ashamed. I went from excited and happy to help my clients to feeling like I was doing more harm than good. I saved marriages, I helped people gain the confidence to find someone to marry them, I was doing good….I did make a real difference in the world. But it didn’t matter, because those closest to me told me to never tell anyone what I was doing. As if I was doing some big scam. Like an escort service or fortune teller. It was something to be ashamed. Done in secret. I was miserable.
So after graduating I got a “respectable” job working with an AIDS clinic helping clients. I was making next to NOTHING. Working like a dog. Unappreciated, no respect, and treated terrible. But it was a job I could tell others with pride. People looked at me differently. Like I was helping people. Making a difference. Which, I know I wasn’t. I was a glorified paper pusher. There were moments where I did help clients, but it was because I was giving them advice on their relationships. I was motivating them. It was outside what I was there to do, but I did it anyway. Those were the moments that made the rest worth it.
In a flash 5 years had past, the stress had given me a cancer scare, thankfully that turned out well. I was in a pressure cooker so long finally I burst. I didn’t just quit, I stopped answering the phone or going to work. I hid shaking shell shocked under my covers. I had legit PTSD. Nightmares and migraines for years. They are slowly stopping, but that job was a big wake up call. That’s what happens when you do what people think you should do instead of what you want and feel compelled to do. That’s what happens when you give in and give up.
I was also in school getting my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy while working. I looked around the office at with those with masters and fancy PhD’s, just as stressed out making little more than me with the added debt of grad school. That wasn’t for me. I didn’t want that! I was already helping people and making a difference before this job! I was already living the dream. It wasn’t what society tells you is right, but it was right!
So now I’m talking to YOU.
Don’t you listen to them!
Don’t you fall into that trap!
It’s not the only way, you can make your own way. Sure it’s not easy, but nothing that is worth it ever is.
Please don’t care about their opinions of what you do. Please don’t let them put you down and believe it. Don’t be ashamed of following your heart, your talent, and your own path.
Don’t sit there in a cubical or some office building for the rest of your days wondering, what if?….
Try.
This is your moment. This is YOUR life. Do what you feel will bring your fulfillment and success. Define success how you want to define it. Don’t let ANYONE define it for you.
If you want to talk about it, don’t tell them, tell others doing it. Tell ME ABOUT IT!
So that’s just want I want you to do. Tell me about what you really want to do. Tell me why they told you it would never work. Tell me about how you are no longer going to listen to them. Get to the comments section!
To our success darling,
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